Reality Check

Ok. Party's over. All good things must come to an end. Sure what we had was something but hey... we're both not ready for it right? Long live the secret affair straight out of the bond movie, honey!

Alright Alexis, time to wake up and open your eyes to your messy room and smell the lemon fragrance from your air freshener. It's time for me to take a reality check what's going on and face the music. Oh the drama of Alexis's life. Jeez... I'm beginning to sound cheesy.

Time to put my game plan for this year on. And try my darndest to make it work. Seriously, I'm determined to make this happen. It's gonna be my getaway plan. A chance to be to find myself and be more independant. Also a chance to be with my best friend and have our crazy fun ways to kill time.

Well, enough for the day. Till next time, adios!

Happiness.

I've been really happy for the past few days. I had a great weekend which started last Thursday. Who knows that a simple drink can end with an unexpected twist?

I'm just elated. :)

End of fun.

Ladies and gentlemen,

It's time to go back to work. Weekend's over.

Boooooo!!

Here's to long weekend...

Spent most of my time at home over the long weekend and did nothing particularly very interesting.

So with the companion of my brothers, we watched movie after movie, laughing and mocking the scenes, lines & characters. Had burgers(thanks to Harold & Kumar who won't stop yakking about burgers, we started to crave for it too.), mac & cheese, mushroom and tomato pasta, onion rings and potato wedges. Basically pigging ourselves with carbs which somehow doesn't seem to be enough. Well, stocking up is in need and will be doing that today after my appointment. One of my best sibling times ever!

Dedicated to my BFF

That's Raf and I. She's my one and only BFF whom I miss too much. Countless times I almost called her to go for coffee or a movie. Kept forgetting she's away in Down Under. I love her to death. She's one of the very few people I trust so much. Known each other since we were in primary school.

Hey BFF! Remember the night this photo was taken? We met the two French guys - Bastien and Fabrice? Haha... Good times. Look how far we've been, buddy! See you in Oz soon baby!!

New. Just new.

Today I feel like a newborn.

Remember this date. The official date.

A new beginning.

Looks like a good start. Time to make it great.

:)

Let's change.

Sadness

So Raf finally left for Oz about 2 hours ago. I was pretty upset as she is my only best friend. The one I trust a lot and who knows me more than I know myself. I cried in the day after lunch but by the time I'm in the airport, I didn't shed a tear except for the watery eyes. She cried which I can understand with the overwhelmness from friends and family. Love ya darls. Take care, ok?

Dave was being sweet by emailing me a quote about goodbyes. I love him for that. Appreciate it very much. Goodbye seems to be the hardest word, darls. It's something that I don't want to get use to it.

Mr Tim is trying to make me stop drinking alcohol so much. My drinking habits are not as bad as those alcoholics and I'm not one of them.

Gonna go to bed now.

lost in transition

omg. what's this? i don't believe this.

i can't be myself in this superficial world.
do i have to be one of them?
is this the case of "if you can't beat them, join them"?
do i have to blend in?

what if i don't want to?
why can't i just be me?

what a vicious world we're living in
stabbing one another at the back.
what is the main purpose of doing that?

is status quo really that important to you?
afterall, we are all human.
where's the equality?


argh! why can't people leave me alone and let me be myself?!


to whoever that have a huge ego and being arrogant that you have to look down on others and expect respect,
with one finger, i say "f**k that"!

Major Change

It's already been decided. I'm gonna go thru a change in this coming mid-month.

What is it?

It's a surprise. A few of my friends might already know. But the rest will find out soon enough.

Am I excited?
Am I nervous?

Yes and yes.

But don't worry... I'll try to stay the same somehow.

I'm ready

I've been thinking.

I'm ready. Ready to take the next step.

Let HIM go and move on. It's for the best though there's no doubt HE will have a place in my heart. I gotta move on as this is futile for what we had.

"See you one day soon."

Destiny...

Lately

I'm

annoyed,
pissed,
sad,
down,
lethargic,
hallucinating
and
lonely.


Sigh... I'm just lost. Somebody pour me a glass of wine and put my notebook in front of me.

just a reminder

I'll try not to be angry at myself
I'll try not to be angry at everyone
I'm trying not to hate myself
i'm trying not to hate everyone

I've gotta stop the negativity.
I've gotta start feeling better.

Progress

I learnt something new about myself. I write better with the influence of alcohol. Managed to write something. Almost done now. Ain't that great. I'm finally writing but small steps of course. Starting with simple ones.

What is it about?
I won't share.
Not for now at least.
Still not confident enough.

Anyway, now I really understand why most rockstars become alcoholic. But trust me, I won't be like them.

Ok... Need to get back to my corner.

Disappointments & Insanity

In attempt to start back on my writing, I bought a new notebook. Hell, I only managed to get a few lines out of myself. I couldn't get any inspirations. I've lost my muse 2 years ago and that's when I stop writing.

Poor Ms Sa'adon. She'll be very disappointed if she learns about this. But don't say anything about it, pls pls i'm begging you, coz I'm already disappointed at myself over it.

Oh screw it.

Why bother screwing myself over it?

It'll come back eventually.

I just need to sort out my head.

Back on wine drinking at any time of the day. Naming my notebook which only made me to realise that insanity is settling in just fine in me.

Too much to drink in the morning?

No I don't think so.

Maybe it's the stress over work.

Maybe just maybe.

Maybe it's just me.

Oh.

Called HIM last night and it felt so good. Talk mostly on music and our past schools. Told HIM about how much Julian Casablancas reminds me so much of HIM in look-wise and hair. Typically HE found it amusing and crazy but nevertheless it made HIS day. Foolishly, smiling in my sleep.

A visit to my past

Today was the day I went back to my secondary school.

Why?

Just for fun and to see if any of my teachers are there or not. Surprisingly, there is. It was really good to see Mr Tim. Still remember his purple hair days. Haha... He still knows me quite well. Will keep in touch with him for sure. Meeting up for coffee soon.

Wish I could write more but I'm dozzing off. Shall write more about it soon.

Albert Hammond, Jr

(L-R) Josh Lattanzi, Matt Romano, Albert Hammond, Jr


My new music amusement, ladies and gentlemen, Albert Hammond, Jr. Albert Hammond, Jr is one-fifth of The Strokes. Now he has his own solo record entitled - Yours To Keep. I would recommend you to listen to Everyone Gets A Star. One of my fav! Gotta admit, the music do sound a bit like The Strokes but I'm not complaining. :) http://www.myspace.com/alberthammondjr

Bummed.

Woke up pretty early but only to feel bummed from last night.

Bummed coz I'm stuck at home.
Bummed coz I'm broke.
Bummed coz I can't celebrate my co-worker's birth of a new child.
Bummed coz I didn't get to consume alcohol.
Bummed coz there's nothing to do.

Bummed. Bummed. Bummed. Bummer!

The Twist

Today is such a weird but eventful day including at work.

Weird:
I talked NH.
The even more weirder part:
We talked more than what was intended to. Like old friends. Catching up on what's going on.
Weirdest part:
We were laughing together like really good friends.
The most weirder than weirdest part of all:
She actually said "Keep in touch!"

Ew! What the hell is going on?! Somebody shoot me. I hate her. Sure we used to be friends but hey, we're not anymore so beat it. I don't think we're ever gonna be friends after what she did. Don't count on me the one to be good friends with her ever.

Good day:
One of the interesting conversation with David. Yes darling, I'll kick you out of bed if I have Johnny Depp with me.
Best surprised:
HIM texted me to apologise. The torch is burning bright. Ah... HE owes me an explanation.
Better days at work:
Dave and I are having the burning hot moments since yesterday coming from our hot & cold relationship. I like!
Great news:
Jordan coming back in less than 2 weeks time!

Life is full of twists, isn't it?

Cloud no.9

Finally I talked to HIM this morning. It was nice. Really nice. Even though I told HIM bout what happen on NYE's incident which means I told HIM about the guy I used to see. But just that and nothing more. Anyways, we finally catch up on what has been going like how sick we felt recently. I still adore HIM.

I'm feeling better. Still a bit of coughing. Almost done with the medication. Woohoo!!

High Fever and amazing guys.

I wanna go to MUSE Live In Singapore!!!! I wanna go to HOOBASTANK Live In Singapore!!! Anybody going? No way I'm going alone.

High fever? Check. Coughing? Check. Runny nose? Check. Fainted? Check.

Feeling the worst ever. Like Dave said "You look dead". Well, Dave, I do feel like one. How about that? In case if you're wondering who Dave is, he's the director of the company I work in. Cool guy as far as I know. He's amazing. :)

Speaking of amazing, there are some guys in my life whom I think is amazing.
Here's a list:
- Dave
- HIM(i mean the torch of my life not the band)
- Olli
- Jordan
- Syai

Hmmm... That's all I know so far. :)

Highlights of the day.

Second day of the new year and that means back to work tomorrow. Back to the routine. Whoever say it's gonna be different? Let me punch you in the face. Ha!

For two days, I said I'm gonna bake a cheesecake but it never happen. Well, It finally did!! I finally bake a cheesecake. Wow... Alexis can bake. Haha!

Watched the latest music video - From Yesterday by 30 Seconds To Mars. Always, Jared looks hot in it. He kinda reminds me of the lead singer from AFI with the hand actions. The video also remind me of their last video - The Kill which in the video they made some freaky discoveries in some rooms. Like this one, it's a deja vu. My oh my, we do live in a freakish world. Don't get me wrong, I still love them to bits.

Evan thinks I'm cool and he won't tell me the reasons why. And he wants to know how it feels like to be cool. He just added a huge question mark on my head. Evan, darling, I don't think I'm cool. I'm still the same crazy girl you know. ;)




Guess what! I manage to revive one of my old memories(which was supposedly erased from my memory. I don't remember much.)!!!! I remembered when I first fall in love with Bryan Adams. Not telling you how though. He still looks hot to me. I still love this fellow. :P He's amazing.

Kal, gimme my prezzie and I give you yours. :) I'll save some of the cheesecake for ya. If it's gone, I'll bake another one. How about that? P.S. How's the drama, darls?

Gonna catch some sleep. Hopefully I get well. I'm also hoping for HIM to get well too.

2007

Hey everyone,

Fuck 2006.

2007 is here and it better be good.

~~~~~~~~~

Here's how I celebrated it and what happened:

Went to Rouge for the countdown with my secondary friends who don't really know how to let loose.
I wanted to shoot myself during the chaotic moment of the club and the moment that I got crushed in the heart.
I survived by joining the chaos but comparing me to all, I was the quieter one.
Went for a rebound. (What were you thinking? Seriously, Ally, you need a smack at the back of your head. Geez, can't wait to screw up your life already?)

I gotta stop and think. Where did the sensible and tough me go when I should be one?

And it keeps getting better...

me: Happy New Year darling
HIM: Aw u too!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a bullet through the heart. MY heart.

Not bad for the start 2007, eh?