Lately

I'm

annoyed,
pissed,
sad,
down,
lethargic,
hallucinating
and
lonely.


Sigh... I'm just lost. Somebody pour me a glass of wine and put my notebook in front of me.

just a reminder

I'll try not to be angry at myself
I'll try not to be angry at everyone
I'm trying not to hate myself
i'm trying not to hate everyone

I've gotta stop the negativity.
I've gotta start feeling better.

Progress

I learnt something new about myself. I write better with the influence of alcohol. Managed to write something. Almost done now. Ain't that great. I'm finally writing but small steps of course. Starting with simple ones.

What is it about?
I won't share.
Not for now at least.
Still not confident enough.

Anyway, now I really understand why most rockstars become alcoholic. But trust me, I won't be like them.

Ok... Need to get back to my corner.

Disappointments & Insanity

In attempt to start back on my writing, I bought a new notebook. Hell, I only managed to get a few lines out of myself. I couldn't get any inspirations. I've lost my muse 2 years ago and that's when I stop writing.

Poor Ms Sa'adon. She'll be very disappointed if she learns about this. But don't say anything about it, pls pls i'm begging you, coz I'm already disappointed at myself over it.

Oh screw it.

Why bother screwing myself over it?

It'll come back eventually.

I just need to sort out my head.

Back on wine drinking at any time of the day. Naming my notebook which only made me to realise that insanity is settling in just fine in me.

Too much to drink in the morning?

No I don't think so.

Maybe it's the stress over work.

Maybe just maybe.

Maybe it's just me.

Oh.

Called HIM last night and it felt so good. Talk mostly on music and our past schools. Told HIM about how much Julian Casablancas reminds me so much of HIM in look-wise and hair. Typically HE found it amusing and crazy but nevertheless it made HIS day. Foolishly, smiling in my sleep.

A visit to my past

Today was the day I went back to my secondary school.

Why?

Just for fun and to see if any of my teachers are there or not. Surprisingly, there is. It was really good to see Mr Tim. Still remember his purple hair days. Haha... He still knows me quite well. Will keep in touch with him for sure. Meeting up for coffee soon.

Wish I could write more but I'm dozzing off. Shall write more about it soon.

Albert Hammond, Jr

(L-R) Josh Lattanzi, Matt Romano, Albert Hammond, Jr


My new music amusement, ladies and gentlemen, Albert Hammond, Jr. Albert Hammond, Jr is one-fifth of The Strokes. Now he has his own solo record entitled - Yours To Keep. I would recommend you to listen to Everyone Gets A Star. One of my fav! Gotta admit, the music do sound a bit like The Strokes but I'm not complaining. :) http://www.myspace.com/alberthammondjr

Bummed.

Woke up pretty early but only to feel bummed from last night.

Bummed coz I'm stuck at home.
Bummed coz I'm broke.
Bummed coz I can't celebrate my co-worker's birth of a new child.
Bummed coz I didn't get to consume alcohol.
Bummed coz there's nothing to do.

Bummed. Bummed. Bummed. Bummer!

The Twist

Today is such a weird but eventful day including at work.

Weird:
I talked NH.
The even more weirder part:
We talked more than what was intended to. Like old friends. Catching up on what's going on.
Weirdest part:
We were laughing together like really good friends.
The most weirder than weirdest part of all:
She actually said "Keep in touch!"

Ew! What the hell is going on?! Somebody shoot me. I hate her. Sure we used to be friends but hey, we're not anymore so beat it. I don't think we're ever gonna be friends after what she did. Don't count on me the one to be good friends with her ever.

Good day:
One of the interesting conversation with David. Yes darling, I'll kick you out of bed if I have Johnny Depp with me.
Best surprised:
HIM texted me to apologise. The torch is burning bright. Ah... HE owes me an explanation.
Better days at work:
Dave and I are having the burning hot moments since yesterday coming from our hot & cold relationship. I like!
Great news:
Jordan coming back in less than 2 weeks time!

Life is full of twists, isn't it?

Cloud no.9

Finally I talked to HIM this morning. It was nice. Really nice. Even though I told HIM bout what happen on NYE's incident which means I told HIM about the guy I used to see. But just that and nothing more. Anyways, we finally catch up on what has been going like how sick we felt recently. I still adore HIM.

I'm feeling better. Still a bit of coughing. Almost done with the medication. Woohoo!!

High Fever and amazing guys.

I wanna go to MUSE Live In Singapore!!!! I wanna go to HOOBASTANK Live In Singapore!!! Anybody going? No way I'm going alone.

High fever? Check. Coughing? Check. Runny nose? Check. Fainted? Check.

Feeling the worst ever. Like Dave said "You look dead". Well, Dave, I do feel like one. How about that? In case if you're wondering who Dave is, he's the director of the company I work in. Cool guy as far as I know. He's amazing. :)

Speaking of amazing, there are some guys in my life whom I think is amazing.
Here's a list:
- Dave
- HIM(i mean the torch of my life not the band)
- Olli
- Jordan
- Syai

Hmmm... That's all I know so far. :)

Highlights of the day.

Second day of the new year and that means back to work tomorrow. Back to the routine. Whoever say it's gonna be different? Let me punch you in the face. Ha!

For two days, I said I'm gonna bake a cheesecake but it never happen. Well, It finally did!! I finally bake a cheesecake. Wow... Alexis can bake. Haha!

Watched the latest music video - From Yesterday by 30 Seconds To Mars. Always, Jared looks hot in it. He kinda reminds me of the lead singer from AFI with the hand actions. The video also remind me of their last video - The Kill which in the video they made some freaky discoveries in some rooms. Like this one, it's a deja vu. My oh my, we do live in a freakish world. Don't get me wrong, I still love them to bits.

Evan thinks I'm cool and he won't tell me the reasons why. And he wants to know how it feels like to be cool. He just added a huge question mark on my head. Evan, darling, I don't think I'm cool. I'm still the same crazy girl you know. ;)




Guess what! I manage to revive one of my old memories(which was supposedly erased from my memory. I don't remember much.)!!!! I remembered when I first fall in love with Bryan Adams. Not telling you how though. He still looks hot to me. I still love this fellow. :P He's amazing.

Kal, gimme my prezzie and I give you yours. :) I'll save some of the cheesecake for ya. If it's gone, I'll bake another one. How about that? P.S. How's the drama, darls?

Gonna catch some sleep. Hopefully I get well. I'm also hoping for HIM to get well too.

2007

Hey everyone,

Fuck 2006.

2007 is here and it better be good.

~~~~~~~~~

Here's how I celebrated it and what happened:

Went to Rouge for the countdown with my secondary friends who don't really know how to let loose.
I wanted to shoot myself during the chaotic moment of the club and the moment that I got crushed in the heart.
I survived by joining the chaos but comparing me to all, I was the quieter one.
Went for a rebound. (What were you thinking? Seriously, Ally, you need a smack at the back of your head. Geez, can't wait to screw up your life already?)

I gotta stop and think. Where did the sensible and tough me go when I should be one?

And it keeps getting better...

me: Happy New Year darling
HIM: Aw u too!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a bullet through the heart. MY heart.

Not bad for the start 2007, eh?